The American Version
by Kichi88
Summary: It isnt really a fan fic its just the same type but I promise you will love it! ^.*
1. The Explaination

This is for all of the people who love Angus Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging. this is the American version. Have fun!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A Note From The Author.  
  
Hello to all of my readers! Thank you for taking this time to point and laugh at my life.  
  
So maybe I fell down the stairs at my own party. That's ok life goes on right?  
  
Maybe I wasn't the coolest person in the class.But I swear I didn't really wear those glasses..  
  
And everybody at one time or another gets detention for playing paper, rock, scissors...  
  
Thanks Again,  
  
Jme  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
An explaination of my life..  
  
Family:  
  
My mother.: So my Mother is crazy. What can you do? The only part that sucks is that she is more popular than I am..  
  
My Dad: One of my best friends. I swear when he calls me Airhead its him being affectionate...  
  
My brother.: You will find out. The only thing that I will tell you is that he got his foot cut off when he was little. I think his brain was in his foot..  
  
Pets:  
  
KC: One of the most evil cats you will ever know. I really think she is a dog stuck in a cat's body..  
  
Goober: This is the retarded cat. I think that we are soul-mates..  
  
Squiggy: This is the favorite cat. he is a little butthead. he pretty much has everyone but me whipped.. I see his evil ways..  
  
WE Have fish but I don't think that you want me to go into that...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
My friends:  
  
Alyssa: So she is a bit weird. no big deal though. she is a terrible SNL and Monty Python freak.. Just don't mention The Holy Grail in her presense or you will get an hour long lecture about how it was the worse movie ever created..  
  
Nicole: You'll see..  
  
Melissa: One of my new found friends. She is really nice and smart. she doesn't fit into this story..  
  
Aaron: Just think of Jack off of Will and Grace... ^.*  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Enemies:  
  
Jim: You will see..  
  
Ben. B.: My, Nicole's and another friend's ex. for some reason everytime we are all together he shows up. its one of those weird freak of nature things..  
  
One of the biggest enemies of all is Steven..  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Teachers:  
  
Wyckoff: One of the coolest teachers that you could ever meet.  
  
Mrs Lainhart (Smily): if you are afraid of smily faces stay away from this woman..  
  
Mrs Hughes: Another one of the coolest teachers that you could ever meet. she is my art teacher.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
My Glossary:  
  
Tootles: A greeting that I use..  
  
Monkey or Banana: Just responses that I have to everything.  
  
AIM: AOL Instant Messanger. If you don't know what that is you are sad...  
  
Guard: Winterguard. Okay we spin flags, rifles, and sabres.. There is nothing else that I can say about that..  
  
Stubby: My brother's left foot.  
  
T.M.: Text messaging...  
  
Pot: .. Doobies...  
  
Doobies: Mary Jane.  
  
Mary Jane: If you don't know what this is you are pathetic and shouldn't read this.. Unless if you arent from America..  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I think that you are ready to enter the world of my life. you need to be warned.. Once you enter. you can never come back..  
  
Tootles,  
  
Jme  
  
I am sorry if I offended anyone in making this but hey if you don't like what you read don't read it! Especially if you don't know what you are talking about..... 


	2. The 'Foot'

I do not own my life...  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Monday.. 5:30 PM  
  
My life is over..  
  
5:31 PM  
  
I am sitting here doing my homwork and talking on the phone to Ashley #1. ( there are multiple Ashleys so for now we are going to number them.) This is stupid. I don't care about atoms. I never have and I never will.  
  
Here comes Jason. this cant be good. The look on his face means one of 3 things..  
  
He broke something of mine  
  
He stole something of mine  
  
Or he needs me to do some chore of his for him (Normally we work out really nice deals on these types of things.)  
  
I wonder which one it is..  
  
"Jamie"  
  
"GO away I am doing homework."  
  
"No you arent you are talking on the phone.."  
  
"Unlike you I can do 2 things at once."  
  
".."  
  
"Will you leave now?"  
  
"Can you help me find my foot?"  
  
(For those who don't understand he has a fake foot.)  
  
"Did you hide it?"  
  
"No.."  
  
"Cuz if you are hiding it so you don't have to go to practice I am not helping you.."  
  
"MOM!!!!!"  
  
"Jamie help your brother find his foot!"  
  
"I am doing homework I can't"  
  
" I don't care."  
  
I cant believe this!! Its ok he can grow up to be a cabijillionaire and I will work in a Burger King for the rest of my life. Do you know why? Because my mom won't let me finish my homework. And why wont she let me do my homework? Because my brother cant keep track of his body parts... Maybe I can convince her to let me finish.  
  
5:35  
  
That had no chance. Who puts this kind of stuff under a couch?  
  
"I don't understand why I have to keep track of his body parts! You never see me saying Hey mom can you help me find my head?! I seemed to have left it somewhere!"  
  
No of course not.. Do you know why? Because I am the older child and that's the way that life goes.  
  
"Next time I misplace my arm he has to help me find it. even if he is watching TV..."  
  
5:45..  
  
Still no sign of the missing foot.. This is getting ridiculous..his practice starts in 15 minutes...  
  
Uh Oh. mom is stomping her way down the steps...  
  
5:50  
  
The lecture has stopped and I KNEW IT! He hid the stupid thing in his closet... STUPID IDIOT!!  
  
12:30 AM  
  
Oops. I forgot to finish my homework.  
  
6:00 AM  
  
Whoever decided to make school start at 7:35 is definitly not going to heaven. Oh well I can push the snooze button once..  
  
6:50 AM  
  
AAHH! There is no way that I can make it to school on time!! The bus is gonna come in 10 minutes!  
  
7:45  
  
Okay I made it to school okay.. No ones gonna notice that my eye is red. Tip for the future. When putting on make-up on the bus, wait until it stops to try eyeliner..  
  
Wyckoff's class  
  
Ah! I forgot that we had a test today. its ok though. Lol one of the answers was that a monkey runs across a field chasing a rabid banana.. I wish.  
  
Health  
  
I failed that test.. AH health movies. luckily I wore my glasses today. so my friend is wearing my glasses so neither of us can see.  
  
On The Bus.  
  
Okay. What do you do when your bus driver is a phycho who can read. and doesn't have any teeth? Yeah we call him Gumby.. He doesn't notice..  
  
Wait a second. hes wearing glasses. I didn't know that he wears glasses...  
  
2:45PM  
  
I made it home alive.. I think.. How would you know if you were dead?? What if God just forgot about you and let you wonder around with half of your head gone.. Shut up Brain.  
  
6:00 PM  
  
I think that this is the time that the average person eats dinner. but me?! Nope I am at guard practice...  
  
9:00 PM  
  
Okay Where is my mom? She is supposed to be here. Wait a minute. I can call her on her cellphone.  
  
9:01  
  
I lied. the school is locked and I have no way of calling her.  
  
9:15  
  
Okay here she comes.. She is talking on the phone. I bet she forgot me.  
  
"Thanks for coming to get me on time."  
  
"blah blah blah.. Your welcome."  
  
Do you hear this?! This is definite proof that I need a cellphone. but do you know what? I am not allowed to have a cellphone. because my parents 'see no reason for a teenager to have a cellphone'.  
  
10:00  
  
I think I am supposed to be asleep. Oops. Jason needs to turn the TV down.. I can hear every word that Ed, Edd and Eddy are saying..  
  
10:30  
  
Am I the only one who listens to the whole bedtime thing??  
  
12:30  
  
Appearantly so.. 


	3. The Attack of the Insomniac

I do not own my life...  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
Wed 12:30 AM  
  
Gr. he shouldn't be allowed to stay up this late. OMG my fav. show is on!  
  
12:45  
  
I have to go to bed. sleep. sleep..this isnt working. Maybe I can count sheep.. 1.2.3. ah ha the sheep tripped on the fence and fell on his face.. Yeah this isnt going to work..  
  
12:50  
  
I think I am an insomniac..  
  
12:51  
  
ZZZZZ..ZZZZ..zzzzzz..zzz...  
  
6:00 AM  
  
no pushing the snooze button for me.. Ergh I have to get in the shower..  
  
6:45  
  
AH I AM A GIANT PRUNE!!! Cursed.. I fell asleep in the shower... Oh man how am I gonna do my hair.  
  
8:45 AM  
  
Okay everything here is normal. I ended up looking ok. I think, but that is not the point. OMG (Oh my gosh) biology is soooo boring.. Aw. anna is asleep in the back of the classroom. wait a minute so is half of the class! *humph* I think I will take a little nap *yawn* Z..z.z.  
  
8:47 AM  
  
AHHHHH!!!!  
  
8:47 ½  
  
omg it was a fire alarm... that scared me sooo bad.. Well not as bad as anna though. she fell out of her chair backwards when she heard it. *secret giggle*  
  
8:50  
  
Wow its cold out here.. Burr.. Hm. I wonder if there really was a fire.  
  
8:52  
  
Nope it wasn't the real thing.. Darn.... *.^  
  
8:54  
  
back in bio. wow I really don't care about this stuff..  
  
8:58  
  
WE GET TO WATCH JURASSIC PARK TOMORROW!!!!!  
  
9:25  
  
Come on you stupid bell ring. ring..  
  
9:26  
  
Thank God!  
  
2:45  
  
At home now. Dr. Phil is on. nevermind I turned it off..  
  
11:25 PM  
  
Does a blind person know the difference between night and day?  
  
11:30  
  
What do blind people dream about?  
  
~~~~~~~~~ Thursday  
  
6:00 AM  
  
*sneeze* hm.. I don't feel good. *grumble*  
  
6:10  
  
Mom took my temperature and I have a fever so I don't have to go to school today! Yipee..  
  
6:13 AM  
  
Its no fun to stay home if you don't feel good..  
  
6:15  
  
ZZzzzzz....  
  
5:57PM  
  
Holy cow! (no offense to those who worship cows.) I slept this long?! Wow maybe I was sick..  
  
??PM  
  
ZZZZZzzzzzzz.. *ergh* phone call? Who would be calling this late at night?!  
  
6:58 PM  
  
It was Aaron. and appearantly it wasn't that late at night. oh well. he had to call and tell me that Cher changed her hair color to blonde again. if he calls me every time that she changes her hair color, I'll never be off of the phone..  
  
7:30PM  
  
ALL I ASK FOR IS A LITTLE SLEEP PEOPLE?!  
  
7:35 PM  
  
Why is it that no one ever calls you when you are home with nothing to do, but the second that you are sick in bed and don't want to talk to people they call you? Who was that that I just talked to for 5 minutes? Oops.. That cant be good..  
  
8:00 PM  
  
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.. (on the door: I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WANT, LET ME SLEEP)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Wow I am sorry if you don't like the story. If you really want me to stop, then I will. If I don't get at least 3 good reviews then I wont continue the story. sorry to all of those who like it, but majority rules.. You gotta review or I wont keep it. 


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